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Sarah May Grunwald's avatar

For straight women we often have to perform for the male gaze when we make dressing choices. Dressing boring has also helped me become invisible to the male gaze and it is thrilling. Like I could commit crimes and nobody would see me.

Meg Maker's avatar

I have always lived in a rural area, dipping into the metropolis only as a visitor. The codings and signals of urban style have always felt elusive, and I always end up feeling like a bumpkin regardless of my wardrobe.

In the North Country the aesthetic is decidedly understated, down-market, cheap, even worn-out, but that itself is a signal. Carhartts and Johnson Woolen Mill hunter plaid say "I'm from here and not trying to stand out." Anyone wearing lipstick gets a look like "Who the hell does she think she is?"

That said, people dress down but the accessories are another story, jewelry, especially. You may be wearing a stained Hanes cotton tee but have the latest Garmin on your wrist. You may be wearing a cheap yoga top from Amazon (they have the most bizarre brand names, like YAZZNOQ or whatever) but you're also wearing a 1-carat diamond stud in each ear. The clothing is noise. The jewelry is signal.

One more thing and I'll stop. I have a friend who is an inheritor of vast generational wealth. We're talking own-two-major-islands level wealth. I have never seen her in anything but jeans and a tee shirt, plus a sweater she loves, cashmere, that her wife bought her because it matched her eyes. I saw her wear a dress only once, on their wedding day (the wife made their dresses). She does not wear jewelry, except her wedding ring (she is sadly a widow, now). She does not need to signal anything to anyone. In fact she has ardently striven, her entire life, not to signal anything to anyone. It was the family aesthetic, part of the training.

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